Change is hard

Many things in my life have had to change pretty rapidly over the last few months. I finally feel like I am getting there with all of this and thought a change of blog design would reflect it nicely :)

For me at the moment it is all about balance and for a long time I have not been happy with the balance in my life. The problem with this is that a) change is HARD and b) disappointing people sux.

What I wasn't getting, however, was that the people I was disappointing was those closest to me. A very wise woman said to me (and I believe this was the definable beginning for me)that I didn't want my grown up children wishing I had spent the same amount of time with them as I do with the women I serve. This really hit a nerve with me and I was started seeing that this was already becoming an issue.

I don't think I am alone when it comes to this issue. Especially among birth workers. Burn out is all to real a problem when there are no set hours, very little predictability and huge responsibility. This is often compounded by the fact that birth workers are generally the primary care givers and have the added burden of being responsible for organising the care of their children at extremely odd hours.

What I am trying to get at is that some things in my life have to give so that I can be more of who I want to be. And what I want most in this world is to be all I can be, first for my children and then for my family and then for everyone else in the world. In that order.

So while my children are so little, I will be focusing less on my own interests and more on their interests. It has taken me a surprisingly long time to come to this - mostly because I didn't want to. I'm coming to a place of peace with it though and I will not give up entirely. I will continue to support pregnant and birthing women and young families in general, just not all the time.

It is funny cause I am so on board with the little baby stuff. When I talk at antenatal classes and new mothers groups I always talk about how short this real dependence is and how it is not a sacrifice but an investment. All of this advice can easily be applied to children as they get older.

Having babies so young means that I am going to have an entire lifetime without them reliant on me. For me, these past few months have been a huge lesson in patience and in growing up. And as always, the zen of my children has finally penetrated my thick skull :D

xo